Journaling | Aaron Blackwood

Inspiration, you never know when it will show up. It happened to me yesterday at work. A visitor showed up and when he told me his name, I instantly knew it had to be one of my characters in a pending book, whenever that may be. His name was Bakary Darbo except that I would turn it around and call my him Darbo Bakary, which sounds much better. I told the visitor about my inspiration with his name and asked his permission to use it in a future book. He agreed with a huge smile. It tickled him that someone would use his name in this fashion.

Lately I’ve taken to carrying a small note book with me to jot-down moments like this. This is a practice I’ve done in the past but never kept up. I do keep a journal and have similar issues with that. My excuse for not journaling as often as I should is that my journal is bigger and sometimes I just forget and have to recap anything interesting I may have overlooked. This is sometimes not a good idea because the moment when it happened has passed and my recollection may not be as authentic as It could have been.

I’ve been getting inspiration from dreams in the last couple of months. I don’t normally dream as frequently as I have lately so I’ve been taking advantage to recall and write down what I remember. One such dream I had recently which I will share with you by paraphrasing. I witnessed a young six year old boy get physically abused by his parent or guardian (bare with me the details can be fuzzy in dreams). They suddenly disappeared and the boy was left homeless and orphaned. I decided to take care of him because I was struck by his intelligence for one so young. He observed everything and formulated opinions in his head expressing them or asking questions of me to clarify the thought. People naturally were attracted to this cute kid with the adventurous mind.

Considering all the abuse he endured he was resilient, and probably hid that sadness deep within that I knew had to come out someday. I found myself caring for this kid more and more as if he was my own. He became my own. I found myself having the feelings of parents that would do anything for their child. It was a really good feeling that I enjoyed experiencing. Unfortunately I was fighting a system that was making it difficult to adopt him because I was gay. I woke up at this point, but my attempt to fall asleep to continue this dream was futile. So I lay there thinking about the dream, still having that feeling for my boy until it eventually faded. I think in my future I’d like to experience that feeling again but in real life this time.

I recently resumed writing in my journal after being inconsistent for a while. It is cathartic experience for me to write my private thoughts for my consumption. Sometimes I wonder why I even do this if it’s only for my eyes to see, especially as I’m a writer and share stories with the world. It took me years to realize that it is a form of self-care, just like meditation, exercise or healthy eating.

I must admit it concerns me if someone else was to read my journal, when I’m not around or dead. What will they think of me? Words can be so misconstrued from person to person so I try to be as concise as I can. I feel sometimes like I’m writing a memoir for someone else’s consumption instead of this private therapy for me. I still have to work on the guilt I feel when I say things that would cause others to judge me. I have to remember that this is for me and no-one else. Stop trying to please others.

There are days when I have little to say and end up writing about boring topics like what I may have done that day. There are days when something significant is happening on the news or the world, that I get to record how I received the breaking news. A kind of ‘where were you when…?’

Journaling is not for everyone but I’d encourage you to try it to see if it’s a fit. You’ll know if it isn’t, especially if you’re not consistent with it. I will say in closing, that it is a cheap way to learn about who you are instead of sitting on a therapist couch.